“Falling in love is not a choice. Staying in love is.” – anon
Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work to be together. This is the daily journey for couples who have been together through ups and down and in-betweens.
Society puts so much pressure on relationships by displaying true love as a plot line in a Disney movie, as if everyone is looking for their singing mermaid. They don’t showcase the couples that have been together their entire lives, going through the minutiae as a team and making the best of daily life. That’s truly the reality of love and relationship – simply the desire to stick together as a team.
What it comes down to is confiding in another and sharing your life with someone who is a mirror for your soul. Embrace the arguments and new chapters. A fight does not foreshadow incompatibility and change doesn’t necessarily mean falling apart.
Here are a few myths about couples and couples retreat:
1. Two people in a good marriage/relationship automatically grow closer with time
Just like your health & fitness, or a great garden, a relationship takes constant nurturing to grow and evolve. Each partner must give and take (to themselves and their partner) equally in a way that fulfills the other, to truly blossom into a closer connection over time. For example, by committing to an activity together, like a date night every wednesday night or learning a new language, you are growing together and nurturing the bond.
2. Polarity can only happen with sex (physical intimacy)
Polarity is one of the most powerful tools for a couple. Common cliches and society tell us that this polarity is observed only through physical intimacy, yet at our couples retreat in Ontario you will see just how the opposite is true and used to build the connection between couples. Read this story of a past participant who was willing to give $1000 on the spot when polarity built to extremes at our couples retreat.
3. My relationship isn’t “bad enough” to go to a couple’s retreat
It’s a misconception that couples ready to call it quits on their relationship are the best candidates for a couples retreat. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so we offer that the most optimal candidates are those who are committed to self growth and willing to go above and beyond for their relationship. When people have let their ego go and have allowed themselves to love more fully and deeply, the ripple effect is often profound. We have seen businesses take off, family life evolve and of course…a more meaningful and heartfelt physical relationship between couples. Not to mention a much deeper connection with your true authentic self – the most important relationship you’ll ever have.
“This is my second retreat. After last year’s retreat, my practice exploded, my family life has never been better, and I am a different person. I will be back next year, I hope you will be too!” – Dr. Chrys Sly
See according to this guy who spent an entire year travelling north america to interview hundreds of couples, there are just 9 simple “rules” long term happy couples follow:
In the Game of Life, Be Your Partner’s Biggest Fan
Ask Better Questions
Concentrate on the Friendship, Not the Romance
Don’t Fight To Win
Seek To Understand
Treat Yourself Well
Establish Trust Every Single Day
Create Fun Memories
Just Be Nice To Each Other
While some of these principles are obviously focused on at Retreat, most of the principles are automatically put into practice because they are mutually desired in the relationship after stripping away the carnage built up over the years.
See, everyone wants a perfect ending. Some of the best poems don’t rhyme, and many great stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Life is about embracing the unknown, accepting change, and taking a moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Take a look at what our retreats have to offer you, and send us an email if you want to lock in your spot with the early bird pricing for the summer program.
Until then, I offer this exercise below to use with your significant other. This is an activity I use in my own marriage and I recommend it for every relationship. My wife and I literally spent a 14 hour day at our Lodge going through this together until we felt we knew exactly how to love each other and allow one another to live in our core values.
I now use this exercise in my couples retreats and it’s called a Needs,Wants and Likes exercise.