The external values push from the world can feel never-ending, and it can be easy to succumb to.
Entertainment television, the newspapers, magazines and the internet are constantly trying to sell John Q public on watching or reading what they are putting “out there”. There is a whole values system that goes with publishing “news” – ever heard of the saying “If it bleeds it reads?” Yikes!!
Young girls need to look skinny, or act a certain scandalous way and in part young men should chase girls who dress sexy and act accordingly. In the United States recently a “popular” comedian made his personal values public around the topic of vaccination. In fact, he made it his personal vendetta to villainize people who choose not to vaccinate their children.
The push from outside might feel un-ending!! But that needn’t be your reality – because you, conscious human BEing, have the ability to take the time to get crystal clear and identify YOUR own core values.
For instance, my values are listed as follow.
Optimal Human Expression
Time and financial freedom
I actually had to spend a fair amount of time thinking of a situation in which someone else’s value system was pressed on mine and it bent me. The reason why: I tend to very grounded in my values and choose to filter the world through my own lens (read values).
When I go to the mall, I don’t see Forever XXI. Instead I see “The Children’s Place” and “Barnes and Noble”. Why? Because nothing sounds better to me than picking up a new swimsuit for my daughter to grow into while she plays in the sand while I kick back with a Margarita reading my new book on the life of John D Rockefeller.
This trip to the mall satisfies my primary (family) and tertiary (adventure) core value with my daughter’s swimsuit because vacation with her is always an adventure. With my wife playing in the sand with her, I can satisfy my second core value (optimal human expression) by learning about one of the great businessman of the 20th century.
What I don’t pick up includes things like a Broncos jersey, a Coca-Cola T-shirt, a new “Keep Calm and Carry On” cell phone cover, a fancy Blue-Ray player, the newest tablet, or a bucket of popcorn. These items are not on my values radar.
Different values mean people see the world constantly through different lenses. If you have not become clear on your values, you are easy to succumb to whatever the external world tells you is important. There goes your time, money, and energy.
Decisions need not be difficult to make. Anything the world runs at you. Hold up your hand and filter it through your values checklist. And when in doubt, say “no”. Warren Buffet is not a great investor for all the times he says “yes”. Instead he is famous for his ability to say “no”!
What about work?? I love being a chiropractor!! Yet many people don’t love their job. For instance I have a friend who is a lawyer, and he has a values system that is similar to mine. He doesn’t love his job, but he loves his family. The reason why he goes to work and does it with excellence is because he sees his job as a way to provide for his family. It also affords him enough time off to be able to travel with his family. Would he rather be not working, yeah I think so – but “putting up with tough clients” is easier for this guy because he sees his toddler son and newborn daughter in his work.
Notice that woman at the DMV who always has a smile on her face? Look around her office. Pictures of her family and friends are everywhere. She is at work smiling knowing that she is putting food on the table and starting her kids through college with her efforts. Going to work is a value-based decision for sure.
One of the most valuable things I have done in my life is discern what my values are. It is also of value to me to understand that others have different values systems also. Having this basic awareness is the equivalent of knowing that when I point to the cloudless sky and say the sky is red, I am saying that because I have red tinted sunglasses on.
Whereas my wife may say, “no no no, the sky is yellow” – as she peers through her own yellow tinted frames. Meanwhile you are watching us saying, there isn’t a cloud in the sky, what are these people on?! The sky is blue!
Do I have to look through my wife’s yellow tinted lens to know she sees the world in a different colour? Do I need to know her values to know she sees life’s experiences different than my own? The answer to these questions is an emphatic “no”. BUT if I did know what colour the lens were, and what her values were it might make things a whole lot easier to comprehend.
It also may make it easier to understand why she loves HGTV. It’s part of the reason why men are from Mars and Women appear to be from Venus; different expressions of our own unique, and authentic, values system.
Guest Written: Coach Jay Breitlow
If you would like a free “Values Search”, you can book a complimentary 20 minute coaching call to explore this, or better yet we have a product that is designed to make your Core Values crystal clear to you. Click here to check it out. We would love to facilitate you on your own unique journey!
Hit us up with a comment or a Facebook message with your experience filtering the world through your values systems.