It’s HARD to put in the necessary time and energy it takes to nurture relationships when there are so many other high priority things that come up in our lives and business.
In this week’s video we’re going to share how Dr. Tom and his wife Shelley have such a happy, healthy relationship after 33 years together.
It comes down to these two things…
It’s amazing to think that we’re about to celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary.
How is it that a couple stays together for all those years?
How is it that we’re able to hold the connection together all these years?
It’s amazing to me.
I love her more today than I did yesterday. I love her more yesterday than I did the week before.
I try to think of what it meant to love her 30 some years ago and I can hardly compare it.
Love is something that grows.
Partnership is something that grows.
When you’re in an intimate connection and that partnership with somebody, there’s a whole lot revealed about you and who you are as a person, your character and what it is that’s deep inside of you.
How is it that a couple of high school sweethearts from small town rural Canada can stay in a relationship so long?
We ALL Have Shit to Deal With
We have five daughters.
We’ve been through remodelling, renovating, and the construction of multiple houses and businesses (which is a great test of your relationship strength).
We’ve been through revenue Canada audits.
We’ve faced bankruptcy square in the face because of a crooked accountant.
I actually was arrested one time on alleged gun storage violations and all kinds of nonsense.
I’ve built multiple businesses.
She’s built an amazing legacy and income through Isagenix.
We’ve been through a lot together, but yet here we are still together all these years later.
How do we thrive as a couple through it all?
It Comes Down to These 2 Things
1. Deal With Your Shit.
What does it mean to work on your shit?
I apologize if you have an emotional charge to that word but I think it’s an accurate term.
One of my great mentors said years ago…
“It’s like you bring truckloads of baggage into the relationship and then you throw it all in the middle of a pile and you hopefully spend the rest of your life sorting it out.”
It’s not that inaccurate.
My wife and I, we got truckloads of this stuff as I contend that every other couple I talk to does.
Recognizing that you’ve got this crap inside you and you’re projecting that out onto your partner is really a great affirmation of learning to take ownership. To stand in the light that that is the reality of what’s going on.
Then you can realize that it’s your stuff, it’s not just your spouse. They’re responsible for looking after their baggage.
When your clear about your baggage, I’ll tell you, that’s when the true magic and love really, really takes to that next level.
That’s one of the reasons why my wife and I have invested this significant amount of time, energy and money we have in the books we’ve read, the courses we’ve taken, the seminars we’ve gone to, the hours of chatting and introspection is because we value the relationship – for our own personal selfish reasons, but also because of our family.
As I mentioned before, we have five beautiful children and have believed for years that a family is only as strong as the couple that started it.
If you’re not working on your stuff, if you’re not working on being a strong couple, then the strength of family is not possible … or at least it’s not possible at the level that it could be.
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That’s why when we created our couples retreat, in order to give people a safe place to come and work on their stuff. A place where there’s no internet, no cell phones, no responsibilities of the day to day life.
You can just really focus inwards on who you are and particularly who you are as a couple if you come to the couples program. Then from there we facilitate the exercises, the experiences, the workbooks, the stuff that’s needed to go in and find the answers you’ve been to busy to search within for.
Basically what you’re doing is teaching your partner how to love you from your love language not theirs.
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Even though those seminars and books and things are very valuable, they are very sporadic. They happen episodically.
A rhythm you commit to consistently so you’re always progressing.
Chiropractic practice rhythms and systems are in place to make sure nothing slips through the cracks and you can create reliable results. Relationships with rhythms and systems allow you to build a strong foundation to grow from.
What’s a rhythm that you could build into your life and into your relationship that would really stabilize it?
Well the one that works for my wife and I amongst many is…
weekly date nights.
We’ve been going on weekly date nights for 25 or more years.
The restaurants in town know it.
Friends know it.
Family knows it.
They know not to call because we’re not there.
We’re out celebrating what it means to be human beings, what it means to be a couple.
Things like dinners, dancing, movies, games, car rides, motorcycle rides.
Whatever it is that floats your boat.
It’s not so much about what you do. It’s that you do it together and you both value it and you love doing it.
Again, when you’ve got that connection, when you’ve got that time, when you’re investing in yourselves and you’re investing in your relationship, your relationship is going to reap tremendous rewards and it’s going to give you a phenomenal return on investment of time, energy and the little bit of money it takes to maybe go out to dinner or something.
I also believe a business is just a reflection of the person and people behind it.
When a client invests in building a stronger relationship with their spouse, we see growth in their chiropractic practice as a side effect.
Remember, work on your shit, create regular rhythms like date nights, invest in your relationship and it’ll invest in you.
Find Yourselves Again at Couples Retreat in Ontario
Hear what the Hastings had to say about last year’s Retreat…
Again, if you’re someone that’s interested in learning more about our couples retreat where you can come in a safe environment and explore what it means to be truly loved for who you are, click here to request more information.
It’s a small intimate environment so availability is very limited.